10th =)

Would you prefer lies or would u prefer the truth? :)). I got a friend who just asked me how to maintain a long distance relationship .... I asked myself too am i really that good? I just told him that i really loved the person thats it. I told him that we broke up last week because of some things i just didnt think about and did a mistake... My friend told me why would i tell the truth if she doesnt know ? just tell her lies so she wont hate u more... But i told her that i've already adapted my life with urs and i want to be with you forever so i wont tell you lies...

I know what i told u earlier made u trust me lesser.. I know too but I didnt send any pictures to anyone... I just said ya... Even if they asked me for it again i would just say no, i wont want my gf to be exposed around... Im not a cheater, i just want a simple love life.... With you.

I dont know why i just think too much about us when u said 1 week 1 week.... Its like we'll break up again or ... u're waiting something to happen in 1 week's time ... I dont know what is it but its okay... I sent merlysa an email saying that we're now talking together again ... Hahahaha ... I guess so many things made u really forgot about me totally... It seems that i have to slowly gain them back again.. I love you beibii.

9th =)

Things have gone great so far since the day u gave me another chance, I hope you can be happy like this with me for the rest of our lives. But I've started to wonder than do u really feel the same as before? Do you really think you can still accept me? All of these questions popped out of my head...

I've been very happy that when u have problems ( you had a nightmare), u thought of me( u thought its embarrassing) and you called me lao gong once yesterday. I remembered that, its been a long time you've stopped calling me that. Yesterday u fell asleep as well without telling me hahaha... Beibiii, i'm really thankful for the few days u've given to me and trying to accept me back again. The plan to meet you wasnt cancelled when we broke up, i still wanted to meet you. But you asked me something that should u meet me or not...

After u asked me that i've been thinking so much, i'm even crying writing this i dont know why. I think you are still suspecting me in real life. But i dont blame you laaa hahaha .... Things like this cannot be forced to do. If u really no confidence to meet me then its ok lor. I think this 1 week of us being together will be a week that "Can we accept each other again or not?" ... I love you beibii. Take care.

8th =)

Things have gone calm these few days, She has finally forgiven me and going to try to accept me again. But i've discovered a few things that have hurt her before when we were still together. Even i felt the pain. I do realize that delayed messages also do make me miss you more and more. I always checked my phone if u had messaged me earlier and i did not realize. But i dont wanna rush things anymore, i'll always wait for you =).

Its true that a woman can think alot in a minute, even i can think alot in a minute. But what they think mostly is about you, not about others so appreciate what they do for you instead of thinking they're a nuisance. I've never had a girlfriend before, this is my first =p. She got jealous over reading my posts and comments on facebook, i realize that i got jealous as well because i read hers too. Even though its not a like a "close relationship" topic type kinda stuff, but i still felt jealous over her conversation with another guy. Now i start to feel what she felt before... Im sorry beibii =).

I was given 1 week to show that i've changed for you, i think its a good idea too. After u accepted me again, i think that i should appreciate you more now and love you more. Thanks alot beibii. Love you.

7th =)

Its 12 50 am in Perth. I woke up after a 2 hours nap from 10 oclock because i thought u really needed me. Maybe u just wanted to talk to me. But I promised to be there to talk to you when u really need someone to talk. Just then u told me your house has no electricity, reminded me the past. I really missed the past hahaha...

I've thought through after u said you dont want to give me an answer, all along i thought i had hope. I think im hopeless for now, Dont think im giving up tho, but i think you only needed me some time. So i should be thinking that we're maybe just brother and sister relationship. This way i feel better i guess? I think all my life i cant prove that i'm right anymore. I thought you could forgive me and give me the last chance, but im not worth it anymore.

My friend told me before that dont mention or even talk to a girl on facebook or anything, i realize how strong it can make ppl misunderstood about that. But all my life i never like to hide secrets or anything to my love, i've done this, i'll admit to her that i've done it. If i didnt, i would say i didnt do it. I thought its better like that, i thought wrong. Maybe i shouldnt say anything at all since the first place.

When i had a nap from 10 to 12, u sent me an sms. This was like my 1st time seeing u sending me an sms after i woke up since we broke up... Made me happy forwhile, but i think its just that u want to chat with me. Maybe its fate for me to wake up. I think no matter what i tell u now, its hard for you to believe, i dont blame you. U said we shouldnt have broke up, i think so too.. Because i still love you.

6th =)

After listening to a song about a "fairy tale" made me remember about me and my girlfriend's fairy tale we were talking about before. We liked talking about random stories but the important thing is that it made us smile and laugh. I remember its romeo and juliet, its a true story not a fairy tale. But i dont think the fairy tale still exist in our lives anymore.

I remember my girlfriend couldnt sleep some nights before, i was there to talk to her until she fell asleep and did not reply me! haahahha pigggg. But it was cute, i didnt blame her for that. We used to send messages to each other when one of us wake up earlier than the other. I missed those days. I even missed the first day when u actually got jealous over a lyric =). Has the time given to me already finished? I should have spent more time with her together. It is too late to realize now.

Beibiii, do u remember the time i drew u keroppi? Hahahahaa! U kept asking me to draw hello kitty as well, but i kept giving u fat ones. HAhahahahaha.... But the most funny one is u asked me to draw YOU with msn messengerrrrrrrr. You think i was god ya ? hahaha... Princess princess princess =). I also missed the time you kept missing me most of the nights when i went to bed. I want to let you know that every night, i missed you too...

I remember u told me that you got the phone number for both of us. I said I'll always love you 1314, you did not know for a whole night! Everytime i look at ur number, it really reminds me of what i said before and i get sad from what i've done. I even remembered that everytime we talk on msn, any little problems you would still tell me, i realize that u would tell me most of the things. But i think time changed, it looks like i will be just another guy on the internet u just met and not important to you anymore.

I felt weak when u told me that when u think of me, it reminds you of girls. Which made you hate me more. When you said that, I was speechless and got no idea what to say. From a person that loves me, turning into a person that thinks im a playboy. I think it was because of me talking randomly to them. I was thinking about this when i was trying to sleep, i feel like i'm useless now. After thinking for a long time, i think that it will be so hard for u to get back with me already.

I said before that when you really need someone to talk to, I can talk to you. I dont mind you dont care about me for a while, as long as you need me with problems, i wont mind helping. I was serious about me comforting you is enough for me. Thats the least i can do, Because i want you to have a happy life too. Because I love you.

5th =)

Its 5 oclock in the morning, had 4 hours sleep. After waking up i couldnt sleep anymore thinking about you. Theres too much in my head right now. I cant stop thinking about you. Time has changed, so did we. I really wished i could be right beside of you right now taking care of you.

I couldn't wait for an answer yesterday because i could feel that u missed me for some reason. I really hope that we could have got back together and i could change to be a better man. U said "I love you" early made me feel so happy and i thought the answer would be yes, i was wrong. I felt really sad when u told me u planned to study, which u didnt want to before. But the good thing is u meet many new friends and get a degree like your mother wanted. But what i felt the most sad was you agreed to tell me if u're going out with another guy, which i know i shouldnt have asked.

I know you may feel sad after reading this blog, its not supposed to be sad for any of us, it should just be like a diary for me thinking about you. But all of these dont really matter in the end, its just me thinking too much about you. I'm satisfied about me talking to you when u were bored but i hope ur headache goes away by tomorrow. Dont push urself too much =).

I know i do get jealous easily when u are chatting with someone else, thats the reason why i keep asking, i hope i can stop too =(. Im sorry for that. I dont know why i just feel that you still dont trust me and keep reading my facebook if theres any information that u can gather, i hope u wont suspect me anymore because the truth is, i wont cheat on you. I really want to meet you, but i think that u dont want me too which really made me feel hopeless.

Anyways, if u really need to talk to me, just let me know and i'll be there for you because its time for me to cut the strings. But dont worry, i wont give up waiting for you. Take care and Dont push urself. Get more rest and drink more water. I love you.

4th =)

Its my 4th post already. My days have been very boring without you. No one to smile at, no one to laugh with and no one to love. I miss you very much. After we talked just now i start to think a lot, i think everything i do is worth it because they're for you.

You told me there are lots of problems in the future, i start to wonder as well. Yes the problems may be hard for us to solve, but i think i will find a way to solve them. I hope that you'll give us time for that. I need time to think how to solve the problems. You told me that before u almost made a mistake, i got sad as well if u think that u've made a mistake loving me... I think religious problem doesnt matter ... as for families yeah ... we can solve that.

I know that you are thinking about whether or not to accept me or not. I know u're confused about me and other girls u think that i flirt the past weeks. Its hard to accept the fact that i dont like other girls than you. I really never thought of going for other girls, but i know that i want to spend my whole life with you.

Its really hard for me to accept that u dont love me as much before, but you said you still love me, thats all i need for now. No matter how far i have to go, no matter how much time i have to spend, i will still do it for you and slowly gain ur love again. Its worth it, because I love you.

3rd =)

Its my 3rd post since yesterday, a bright day but not so bright for me. Doing nothing as usual, planned to blog instead of wasting my time thinking on my bed. The same usual day, I kept checking my phone and my email after i wake up wishing to read something happy =). Guessed today didnt work out so well at all. Did not plan to online much either, because every time i online i start thinking who i used to talk to most of the time.

Dreams can be remembered and maybe not, some dreams are what u see in the future. Some may be painful, which we can call nightmare and some dreams are plain happy dreams :). I dream something about you, i dont know if i should call it a happy one or a sad one for me. Remember that time you've so scared that u'll lose me after having a nightmare that i'll leave you one day. I was there to talk to you about that i wont leave you, here i am now. I used to remember too I said i'll sleep after you, in case u cant sleep i'll still be there for you to talk to. I really wished i could do that again hahaha... =).

People say, if u really love someone, say it when u mean it. I start to wonder as well did i really mean it before. Now i mean it, but i think its too late now. Promises are forever, but if its broken, it can never go back to what it was before.

Remember most of the times u told me i sms u made u smile infront of people? I wished i could make u smile more. Even when we were webcamming, we made alot of funny faces or something like that make both of us smile =), I loved to see you smile and happy those times. I remembered u wrote the "forgive me" paper and showed it to me as well to apologize, but u were too embarassed to show me again. Those were the happy times.

I never told you i liked to talk to you right? Ur first call was when i was angry and u called me when i was sleeping already. You were very brave that time. Whenever i hear ur voice, i feel like my problems are already solved. You said u were too shy to talk to me again, but it was me who kept on pushing you. I know i was abit impatient causing me to hate u a bit. But now i realize it wasnt important anymore, i should have waited. The words that made me smile when talking to you was.... You said "I love you too" :).

I grew up with music and loved listening to them but not good at singing songs. Im Chinese and i cant speak Mandarin was an embarassment, but i tried singing to you, and i enjoyed singing to the one i loved the most even though i never loved someone else before, it was a happy thing to do for me. I remembered that you liked Tank - Zhuan shu tian shi alot. But then again, i sang to you Ai hen jian dan by David Tao made me happy because i thought it was a true song for me to you.

The past few weeks since we broke up, I heard alot from you that alot of guys want you to be their gf. I dont know if i should be happy or sad. To be honest, in my dream i met you and ur bf was a rich kind guy. I think he has a nice heart, thats what i wished for. I think i saw you happy as well.

Beibii, I love you.

2nd =)

My 2nd post of the day, Not too sure why i can write so much about my feelings when i'm actually broke up already. I think im just finding something to do that can express my feelings to readers or maybe even her if she happens to read this. If it really interests u then i'll say thanks for now.

I just talked to her like a few minutes ago, a few words she said can make me think back so many things. I think i've really regretted what i've done so far. She said "Before i wanted you but not anymore" really made me depress even more. I dont blame her for saying like this, who asked me to hurt her at the first place ? IT was me who brought all this up, a little pain will not be able to compare to how i hurt her before.

I must say, please put a person u love at the first place, not 2nd or 3rd. What i did was playing games caring less about her when she talked to me. Whenever i think of playing games, i really think about how immature i was before. It was nice of her to talk to me and all but it was me being stupid enough to put the conversation aside... Im sorry.

I used to say that I dont like make ups, i didnt like her to put them on. I really like the way she looked naturally not because shes pretty and all, but i love her for who she is now, not because of make up that makes her pretty. All the while she thinks shes not pretty without make up, but i must tell u the truth, she IS pretty without make ups.

I remember how we used to talk non stop at night, eventhough we say we wanted to sleep but end up delaying for like hours hahahaha, didnt even want to leave each other for awhile, just want to be beside of her. This time, we dont even care anymore... We rarely even talk to each other. I really want to say that i miss you every night after u sleep and i cant sleep thinking about you.

Introduction

Im not a good writer or a blogger. This blog is for me to write about my feelings whenever i'm thinking about my ex... I know everything i say will be very depressing and you can even call me emo and everything but i hope that she will understand what i'm saying.

Me and my ex spent a few months together, but we had a long distance relationship for 6 months. We broke up about a week or 2 weeks ago. It was all because of me because i did not appreciate a perfect girl like her. We've been through alot of pain together, i've always think that i'm always nice to her but i think there was a really silly mistake that i've done that i think she cant accept me anymore, i dont think i do too. The reason why i'm still thinking about her is because im still in love with her. 6 Months eventhough through the internet, i still know that whats love is love. Its feelings that make me think about her every time. The mistake i did was expecting more and more, wanting her to do more stuff for me. My patience has gone crazy and i blame myself for it.

Eventhough we talk most of the time on the internet, despite we're both far away but we still can make something worth talking about or doing. I sang for her, drew for her, write her letters. Everything turned into memories. Things like this make us laugh more and love each other more, i think. But when we broke up, i still think that those memories wont go away. I regret doing mistake to end both of us and now i'm no one to her anymore. But all i can do for now is support her and do things shes happy with.

I remember we use to send sms-es to each other in the morning after we woke up, making us happy straight away after waking up. That time i use to keep checking my phone straight away after i woke up. An Sms can make your whole day brighter. After we had fights and all, we've stopped sending sms to each other. As day passes, i feel more lonely i still check my phone after i wake up everyday.

The most important thing about our love was care and support. When it comes to conversation, other things like hanging out with friends or partying may not feel much love as when i'm talking to her. Previously i thought i wanted to go party for a few days maybe it can cheer me up abit because i was sad for quite awhile when i was with my ex .... But it may not be happy for my ex when she was home thinking about me. I really miss the days when she think about me and sms me that she misses me, because i do too.

Theres too much in my mind now. The whole day we did not talk much maybe a few texts. But i know she may be busy whole day going to her party and saloon. I dont think that she knows that i'm missing her whole day, but im happy to hear that she enjoyed her day today and met a few people. When i was at parties, i drank quite a fair bit of alcohol, she got angry and not happy about it. Now i know why she got angry, because i do feel sad too after i hear about it.

Things may not be as good as before, but shes happy these few days. Im actually happy to hear that but i may be sad inside. Things may not be easy to let go for me, memories are not easy to forget and love is not easy to give up on. I love you, Even if u're not with me now, I hope u do feel that i'm right by ur side supporting you.